1.First and foremost my best friend in life, someone who always listens to me and never tries to shut me up. I have never known a friend such as him and I love hanging out with him and he never steers me wrong. I can't imagine life without him, he is a miracle in my life and such a blessing and I'm glad he never let me go even though I gave him many reasons to.
I stabbed him in the back, talked bad about him, acted like I didn't know him when I was around certain friends, I didn't invite him to all the parties and all the crazy things I did. I built up a wall for a couple years and wouldn't let him in and ignored his every call, but he never gave up and kept calling and always let me know that he cared about me even though I had totally rejected him.
I don't know many friends who would stick it out like he did but amazingly he finally got through and now I know to never do that to him again because he doesn't deserve that and as much love and respect as he has shown me over the years I should at least try to show the same back to him.
I'm glad he never gave up on me and I was at the point of no return and wanted to end it all and was planning to end this cruel world on July 17th 2009, I was dead inside and didn't feel like I had anything to live for and thought everything I was doing on the ship was pointless and that nobody cared about me and that they didn't really need me, I was just an extra body that they could use and abuse and I was sick of it.
Back home I was always doing things to help others like volunteering to help out Buddy for the kids, or working with Connie to fix up her house since she needed an extra hand around the house, or when the theatre needed extra bodies. I was extremely busy taking the hardest classes possible at high school, at lunch I would take a bus to college, and after college I would head straight to the theatre for rehearsal, blocking, ect. and then I would go home and start my homework and I would crash around 2 or 3 am if I didn't have to much homework, if I had a lot then I pulled an all nighter and usually slept in theatre class at school lol. Even in Cuba I felt needed and that they wanted me around and didn't just use me all the time, they actually traded people out and kept if fair and we were treated like human beings and if you messed up they treated you like an adult.
You would still get in trouble but after your punishment they would never speak of it again and after one bad eval you could get back in the game and go back up to the top. Now I am on a ship, which I am told is the real NAVY, and I hate it. I love Hawaii but being on this ship has really drug me down to the deepest darkest place of my life and I wasn't talking to my friend at all now. Before I would at least take 5 mins to say what's up but a couple months ago I wouldn't even say hi if I saw him or if he called me, total ignorance. I thought he had left me to die out here and that he didn't care about what I was going through so I just lived life on the edge and did all the stupid things that the people on this boat were doing like going to the clubs and dancing with women on the dance floor that were complete strangers and in such a lustful way I look back now and see how gross it was.
Then I turned 21... The things I did in Cuba came back to life in a major way and now I was finally legal to drink and not worry about anybody catching me and so I drank it up, every day after work I would go anywhere and would order a new drink every night. I wanted to try everything and was well on my way and then there was the weekends and so on and so forth. My friend didn't like the new me and was mad at me but he still loved me and tried to talk to me but I wasn't having it anymore and then it finally happened... I broke my promise to my friend that I had made to him 2 years before, the same promise I made to my parents, and most importantly to myself.
The promise I had was to wait for marriage until I had sex, but 21 years and 6 days later I got really drunk and then went out downtown and got even more drunk and the next morning I woke up naked next to another naked woman that I knew but didn't really know, that was the first night we had ever hung out. We were both to drunk to know exactly what happened but I had a bloody nose when I woke up and I felt ashamed of myself because I knew I had finally gone and broke my promise. I felt worthless and thought for sure that my bestest friend in the whole wide world would now hate me and probably would never talk to me ever again.
After that day everything I did didn't matter anymore, I was speeding down roads and highways, allowed things to happen that I would have never let happen before then and I felt like dying and was contemplating how I would do it. I had the suicide planned out and I'm not one to joke when it comes to stuff like that and I always told myself I would never tell anybody and just do it but I kind of hinted it to people and a few caught on and dug deeper till I spat it out. One of my best friends Dustin(who is also in the Navy) told me I had to go to talk to a chaplain and as much as I didn't want to do that and just wanted to end my life instead, I promised him I would at least go see the chap that day. I left work and walked all the way to the chapel and told them I wanted to talk to a chaplain, any chaplain, didn't matter to me who it was I just wanted the first one who wanted to talk.
So I filled out their stupid little piece of paper and sat down and waited, I didn't wait long though because after 10 mins I stood up and was about to leave when the lady said it wouldn't take much longer and I was like ok well I'll be back after I eat cuz I didn't eat yet. I didn't want to go back but something said that I should, so I did and after talking to the chaplain for an hour and a half I felt a lot better. He told me about things I could do in my spare time that didn't involve drinking, stuff I love doing like volunteering and also how they need a bass player at the chapel and all these cool events that made sure I wouldn't have to be stuck doing all the stupid things I was doing before.
After all this happened I knew a change was needed and that I couldn't live 2 lives anymore because I wasn't truly happy and never would have been. I did change for the better and now I am the happiest I have ever been in my life, ship still sucks but it's ok because my best friend is helping me get through it and I only have 3 years left in the service so it's all good.
Sometimes I look at the whole picture and wonder how it can be done and it's overwhelming but when I take it day by day and piece by piece it looks a lot more hopeful and that's what I have realized and I'm trying to take it one day at a time.
So the first thing I love is my best friend and and now I will move on to another THING I love.
2.She came into my life January of 2009 and hasn't let me down yet, I love her to death, she takes care of me, gives me comfort when I need it most and gives me a roof to sleep under when I need it the most (because I hate sleeping on the ship).
I took her all around Fort Worth Texas to show her off to all my friends and was proud to call her my girl and wanted to spoil her with gifts but didn't have the time or money to do it then but I had plans for her.
After vacation I had to go all the way to Virginia so I took my new baby gurl with me because we were inseperable and I couldn't imagine being without her for more then a day let alone a couple hours.
When it comes to food it seems like she keeps eating a hole into my wallet, she is a big girl but it's okay because I will always take care of her the best I can as long as she is alive. People think I'm crazy because I talk about her all the time and take pictures of her a lot.
I spent almost $800 bucks on her in Virginia and I pretty much spoiled her and spent more time with her then even with my best friend Dustin. I took her all over Virginia so we could see everything together and then I wanted to go to D.C. so I took her there too. I think she liked it up there :).
I would have taken her to Missouri after my granpa Galloway had a stroke but it was snowing a lot and didn't want to get stranded anywhere with her so I left her in Virginia, hopefully one of these days my relatives will be able to meet her but until then they can just look at all the pictures along with everybody else lol.
I finally finished school in Virginia and it was time for me to head to Hawaii, but I didn't want to leave her in VA so I arranged for her to follow me and had to say my goodbyes on the 31st of March :( and it hurt but I knew I would see her again once I got situated in Hawaii so I wasn't worried about it, I just missed her a lot. She came on a boat so it took a little while for her to get here but she finally arrived on the 4th of May and I went and picked her up and now I spend every single day I don't have duty with her and I watch movies with her and let her listen to all my music and I read books to her and she really makes me smile. ^-^
The time is coming for me to leave her again and it really hurts to let her go for 7 or 8 months and I'm really going to miss her but hopefully my friend WILL take care of her like I do and treat her with as much respect as I do and feed her like I did and spend as much time with her as I do on a daily basis. Her name is Bertha and that is the Second thing I love.
3.Now the third thing I love is way more important to me then the second thing I love and I have been in love with this girl for more then 6 years...
I never thought I stood a chance of ever having her and as much as I wanted to make a move to be with her I was hesitant and scared because I didn't want to lose her because she was a great friend and was such an awesome girl. I was very careful, too careful... I wish I would have just jumped in there and told her
"Ok gurl I love you to death, do you want to keep dating all these retards or do you want to be with me? Someone that will show you the world and who will take care of you for the rest of your life and will never harm you the way the others that you speak of have. I want to make you my queen and cross the world and dive to the depths of the sea to bring you back the best jewels, gold, pearls and all the best perfume that a man could find for his lover. I want to carry you through the mountains to a secret waterfall that nobody knows about and walk through fields of wildflowers with you. I want to take your hand and run with you in whatever direction you feel like going or you can just follow me to the ends of the earth. Since the day I layed eyes on you I felt something move deep in my soul and didn't know what it was because I was only 15 and didn't understand love or any of the feelings I felt then. I looked into your eyes and saw the sweetest angel I had ever seen, I saw through all the hurt and pain and saw deep into your soul and saw how amazing you were and how I wanted a girl like that. I heard your voice and it was like the birds of the air singing into my ears, unlike any other creature I had ever heard before the sound of your voice brought a great deep joy to my heart. You held out your hand to take mine and told me your name, the first girl to ever do that for me, and as our hands touched I felt the skin and how silky smooth it was. It was like nothing I have ever felt before... I don't know how to describe it in words because it was that amazing."
I thought for sure you were taken and that I never stood a chance to ever be with you, especially since you were a year older then me and much wiser and smarter then me and I looked up to you and aspired to be like you. Then I met your mom.... ^-^
She was and still is to this day one of the most amazing mothers ever and I could hardly believe what you said about your pops and how anybody could ever treat you, your sister, or your mother that way. It sickened me and I knew you were away from him now but it seemed like you only dated guys that were jerks and I wanted to put a end to that but I didn't know how to explain the way I felt for you because I had never felt that way in my life.
So I started dating your closest friends just so all us could come together and in hopes that I would see you more then I did at the time. I use to love coming to your school and watching you play volleyball, basketball, and meeting your and your mom out at the field to watch some baseball. :)
I never thought I would be so lucky to ever call you my girl and little did I know you felt the same way.
I gave you a letter after you told me you were married and thought I lost and would never have another chance and couldn't believe I let you slip out of my fingers so easily and couldn't bare to even look at you anymore because I knew I couldn't have you now.
So I did the stupidest thing ever and joined the Navy... I was talking to the Air Force because I wanted to work on planes but they wanted me to wait a year before I could go to bootcamp. The Navy next door said they could get me out the door the next day if I really wanted to go that quick, plus I was told they have more airplanes and I thought it would be easier to work on planes if their was more there. 3 years later I'm in a job I don't even like at all and I don't feel like I am really going anywhere, I mean ya I am taking college classes, but I'm doing it slow(too slow) If I didn't have somewhere to be(like the Navy) I could be going to college full time for something I love to do.
It's okay though because I have loved everywhere I have been so far and I love here too to tell the truth but a few key people and a couple of the rules are making me hate this boat in a way that I have never hated anything else. I sleep in my car on my days off because that's how much I hate being on this boat. The first week I got to the boat they told me after 90 days I could get a barracks room, but I've been on this boat for more then 4 months and still no room for me. It's okay though, I guess I can waste $50 bucks a month to store what little I do have because I don't feel like leaving everything in my car/home.
I hate to say names but one of my LPO's is driving me nuts and she really confuses me because she asks 1 thing of me and when I try to get it done she comes to me and tells me to do something totally different, then I don't know what to do because I'm not 2 people and can't be both places at once lol. O and then their was the Indoc that I had been waiting and asking about for over 2 and a half months which I need to get a barracks room so I can have a bed to sleep in like the rest of the people here on this island.
Sure enough when the time came for Basic Damage Control Indoc I was told I had to go to a completely different school in order to fill a seat because the original person wasn't going to be able to make it now. I told my LPO that I want to go to Indoc, that I need it in order to do what you ask of me, but she told me no and that Gauge Cal school was more important and that they would have another indoc the following week.
So I went through the entire school and it was probably the easiest class I have ever had, I could have slept through it and still passed with flying colors and on the last day of class after I aced the test the instructor told us something I will never forget. This is what he said
"We do this class every week and we always have empty seats available, tell your chain of command that we need people to sit in the seats and to send them over here.", then he went on about the other courses and classes they offered.
I get back Monday after this week long course and my LPO asks me how my Basic DC is going, and I was thinking are you serious! I missed an entire week of class that I needed to take in order to move on to bigger and better things and now you are asking me how it is going!
Then she tells me I need to get DC qualed this week because my buddy was going on vacation to get remarried and I was suppose to get DCPO qualed too(which you are suppose to do after DC lol). So after about an hour of going back and forth and getting the run around I finally find the guy I'm looking for who is suppose to work with me on it and he tells me that we will work on it on Thursday(our duty day), so I said okay and told our LPO the situation and then I got back to work with whatever I was doin.
So now it's thursday and I got watch from 8:30 to 12, I finish my watch and each lunch, I do some maintenance for the next couple hours and then I look for the person who is suppose to help me out with all this crap and he was nowhere to be found so after drills it's like 6 pm or so and I have the rev watch which is 3 to 8:30, I figured there was no way I could do all dc in one day since it's a week long course and I couldn't find this guy so I decided to go to sleep at some point and said forget it.
Monday rolls around n Will leaves and my LPO asks me if I have done the NKO course for DCPO and I was like no? I didn't even know there was a course to take? She tells me I need to do it, so I start using the computer in the office and about an hour into it she comes in to the office to see how it's coming along and then tells me that I can't hog up the computer all day because other people need to use it. So I found a stopping point and moved to another computer and I was kinda pissed that she would ask me to do something and when I do it she tells me to do it somewhere else.
So I don't do anything but work on this course all day and I get about half of it done, which is ok because I can finish it the next day, so I continued to do it the next day and had it almost all done when I get a phone call to go help with the OSS (the thing we use to see bad guys lol) and so I go up there on top of the bridge and watch them take everything apart and put it back together, I didn't even touch anything, I just stood there watching because apparently they don't trust us inside that piece of equipment because we can cause more damage then good.
I could be finishing my course but I'm wasting my time watching them work, then right when I get back to the office my chief tells me that first thing in the morning I was taking over for someone in FSA for the next 3 weeks because he was going to a school because one of the girls couldn't go anymore because of personal issues.
I guess that means the last 2 days of studying and learning stuff was for nothing because by the time I get off FSA Will will be back and I won't have to worry about it anymore.
So I didn't finish it and now I'm not working on any quals until my basic DC is done because that's just what I feel like doing because she has royally screwed me, but we leave for deployment in 10 days so it really doesn't matter $50x8=$400, that's all I will really lose. Also Verizon is retarded and last month my bill was $350 for whatever reason and this month it was $400, granted I have 4 lines but it should never be 1/4 of my monthly paycheck, I think that is absolutely retarded and I'm going to drop them as soon as I get back and get ATNT and get me a cool IPHONE or whatever is out that's cool in 8 months. I also got a $6011.88 dollar car loan to pay and I think my credit card is down to $4200 (it was maxed out a couple days ago and I had -$100 in my checking until I got paid on the 1st of September lol).
Now the big issue is my boots and they are making a big deal about it. How come I bust my butt for 8 days in a row, coming in on days I shouldn't even be working to help the section since they didn't give me time to do the things I need to do and when I show up for watch with paint on my boots I get yelled at? I'm doing the CO a favor, something he asked me to do and specially picked me to do along with the other 10 people, or so I'm told, and it's apparently like the top priority.
Senior chief told me I should buy new boots!?!? ok with what money lol, and why should I buy new boots? I've had these boots for the last 3 years! I already have another pair of boots somewhere in the world but not sure where... Why would I waste my money on something I don't need? When did the Navy start caring more about what I look like then the way I work? Why am I treated like garbage, just tossed around from dumpster to dumpster, I mean really can I stay in 1 dumpster and get to know the trash that's in there for a while? I feel like my LPO is my pimp and she is whoring me out, that's honestly how I feel right now and it's really retarded. I do everything with the best attitude and hardly complain about anything and then I get yelled at because my boots aren't shined because I don't have enough time in the day to shine them? Plus why should I shine them? Their is no point because today and tomorrow and the next day and the next month I will still be painting, my boots are gonna get paint on them and they are gonna get messed up. If they care more about my appearance, if that is the most important thing to this ship then OK I will stop working, I will tell my DIVO and my LCPO and LPO no I'm not going to go over here and do this for these people, I'm going to do my job and sit in front of a console for 12 hours and learn how to use it in and out.
I have been quiet for over 4 months and I have been observing everything that goes on onboard this ship and I'm about to write a letter to my senator or just run up to the CO's cabin and tell him why his boat is so messed up and why people are getting pregnant all the time and why people are in serious states of depression here onboard the USS HOPPER just to get kicked off the boat.
I heard the other day that the CO doesn't have a wife or kids and that would explain why he thinks this ship is more important then family, medical problems, and personal issues. I hate this ship and everything about it and don't be fooled about how this is the best ship in the navy, it may very well be because we got a good set of hard working people and we pulled together to be the best but don't think for a minute that our personal lifes aren't suffering and that they don't matter to us.
I joined to serve... I didn't need a job, I didn't need the NAVY and I don't need it now, if anything the Navy has slowed me down from trying to obtain what I have always wanted since the day I could talk. I want to be around airplanes, if I can fly them great, if not then I want to fix them, and if I can't do that I will be a flight attendant for heavens sake! I don't care about the Navy anymore and I've made up my mind not to stay in unless I get picked up for officer to fly airplanes and that is the only way I will stay in. I thought about cross rating to an AM or an AD but if this is what the real navy is like I don't want any part in it, the Navy has changed way to much and it's not what it use to be.
It use to mean something when you said you were in the US Navy but now I'm ashamed to even let people know that I'm serving in,no offense to females, one of the girliest branches ever where making your bed is the most important thing in the world. I can't live in a world like this any longer but I can put up with all the Shenanigans of this boat for the next 3 years because God says I can!
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."(Phillipians 4:13)
It may not be easy but I know I can do it and I'm going to try and have the best attitude about it but they are really pushing my buttons and I don't know how much more I can take.
I could write a book about my life but I've already been up for almost 3 days now so I'm gonna cut this short and post it on facebook, and I'll post this on Myspace if I ever get off work.
Also you should guess what the things I love are since I didn't really specify who or what they were that I loved and you should email guesses to schutzj@ddg70.navy.mil
That will be the only way to contact me once we leave, well unless you want to write a letter... I guess I'll put the address again for those who may have missed the first 10 times I put it up on facebook and myspace lol ^_^.
FC3 Schutz, Jonathan
USS HOPPER DDG 70
FPO AP 96667
If you write me I'll write you back and I'll be more apt to buy you something when we go to other countries, but if nobody writes me then I might just forget about you when I get to GUAM, THAILAND, AUSTRALIA, and whatever else countries we end up in and I might forget to get you a souvenir or somethin.
I've been calling, texting, emailing, writing letters as conversation starters for to long now and I'm gonna be extremely busy so don't expect me to send you an email or a letter about how everything is if you don't care to even keep in contact with me. My real friends know who they are and they will read this whole thing from top to bottom and they will send me an email or a letter eventually :).
If I can find time to keep up with everybody then I'm sure if someone wanted to keep up with me then they will make their best effort. For all those that don't care I will be back one day, maybe not next year, maybe not the year after but I will be back one day, you can count on that, and if everybody still has the same numbers I will call everyone in my phone and try and catch up as much as I can. I think it's funny that I sleep in my car every night that I'm not at work just so I won't miss a phone call or text and hardly anybody ever calls or texts me.
I guess it's true what they say, "Out of sight, out of mind" I will pray for those that have that attitude and I will always pray for everybody, like on wednesday I spoke every name I could think of, friend and family and I prayed a blessing on every single one of you.
I've gotta go eat breakfast but yall take care and God bless and this will be my last post for a while so I expect to see some emails or letters in the mail from at least 1 maybe 2 people that care. Take it easy everybody and stay safe and see yall when I get back. Love each and every one of yall and I hope to see each and every one of you again!
Okay, I'm back on duty and God is speaking to me! It's so awesome to hear his voice and to know finally know for sure what he has been speaking to me for the past few years. I have no doubt in my mind now that the Lord wants me to fly planes and if he doesn't then I must be really confused. I finally found the place here in Hawaii that teaches you how to fly Cessna's and it's right down the road and in total it will only cost me $10K, $200 for each hour, times that by 50 hours and there you go lol. I can hardly wait to get back from deployment and then start doing something that I have been wanting to do since I was 8 years old, God spoke to me then and I knew that was one of the things he revealed to me, and then there was Australia... I don't know what the Australia part was about but I have always had a love for that country and have always wanted to go there and maybe that's part of God's plan as well.
So I go home back to Texas on leave and the 2nd Sunday I'm there I decide to go to my dads church and I sit next to him for the 1st service, Joanna sat next to me for like 10 mins but didn't want to stay long lol. After the service was over I knew that what God had told me about my finances were true and that I didn't need to worry about what other people think and just trust in the Lord, my dad almost convinced me that I was wasting my money, but it's not really my money anymore so glory be to God because he is in control now. I think it's funny how he works in our lives and when you give him your all he starts moving in ways that you can't understand and you can't question but just watch what miraculous things he is doing. He has taken care of me even though I am now totally broke, he has provided for me even though I had nothing. I like it better when God is in control of my life instead of me trying to run it and to trying to make everything perfect. I speak the truth now and I'm not standing on the sidelines anymore and I know it's going to be hard once we deploy but I know now without a doubt in my mind that Jesus Christ will get me through anything and everything. I may lose friends in the meantime and make a lot of people angry, but it doesn't really matter anymore what people think of me because I am finally truly happy again and that is because I have the love of Jesus running through me and his blood has washed away my sins and given me a new heart. He has opened my eyes to see and he is speaking to me in almost everything that he does, everytime I look at a plant or an animal I see him. I hear the cry of a baby, wind blowing, birds of the air singing, crickets worshipin, the crashing of the thunder after the lightning strikes through the air and it pleases me.
I'm reading the bible and things that I have read before a million times are now making sense and I realize now how foolish I was to not take each and every word of the bible as truth and to live by it, but now that I have a hunger for the Lord I know it is what I will strive for every day.
I'm struggling with leadership on my boat right now but I hope that they see that I'm not just your average Joe that is trying to get out of everything because I'm not lazy and I take pride in my work. I always try my hardest with whatever task I am given and I strive for excellence, I may not be perfect or look as nice as others but I will never give less then 100% of effort. It's hard when I feel that everybody is against me, but I now know that their are people who see that I do try my best and they are blessings in my life because this would be a lot harder if they didn't talk to me about it and counsel me not to get mad and do something stupid, even though I may very well want to lol.
Well I guess I'll post this on Facebook today and tomorrow if I get to the lib center I'll post it up on myspace too. Take care everyone and God bless you all!
Friday, September 4, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
A typical duty day onboard the USS Hopper...
Depending on where I have been the night before I may have to wake up at 7:00/7:30 in order to leave at 7:45 from Waikiki only to get stuck in traffic on the highway due to 2 huge construction trucks that are being escorted down the far left hand lane of the highway. After we finally get past the trucks and out of traffic we are pushing 8:10 and I start to think I'm not going to make it to muster which is at 8:30 in my coveralls which I don't have on right now.
As we roll through the gate to get on base it's 8:15 and I know I can get ready and be up there at the right time no prob, so with 10 mins to spare I throw on a clean uniform, put on my boots, I grab me a belt, and then start heading up to the flight deck where I know everybody else is already waiting. I stand in front of my chiefs and a couple officers after about 2 or 3 hours of sleep and listen to how awesome our day is going to be... starting off with a fresh water wash down right after muster.
I was so excited and you could see the enthusiasm of all the others just by looking at their faces and we all thought it was pretty cool to be doing something that should have been done before we pulled into port but because of a heavy schedule weren't able to accomplish. So I follow my buddy Will, who is also an FC(CIWS type) and we start with the CIWS mounts. After about an hour or 2 of the duty section spraying down the entire ship and sweeping all the water build up over the sides we were finally done and could continue on with whatever else was planned for the day.
This lead me to the filter cleaning shop in order to take care of some DCPO maintenance that I was going to help Will with, and only after completing the necessary checks up forward and one aft I thought maybe I would chill out for a little bit before early chow for watch reliefs since someone wanted to switch my 17-22 with his 12-17 so he could participate in the ships softball game.
It's 11:05 and as I'm walking by the messdecks I run into the person who I am taking over for and I make sure the game plan is still in effect, he gives me batterys release and I know I have to eat now or never since I was relieving the internal rover(who was playing too) at 12:30 instead of the normal 12:45 in order for him to get ready and be at the softball game. They tell me I can eat right now even though the line isn't open but as tempting and as hungry as I was I needed to change into my Utilities for my upcoming watch in 20 mins.
So I hurry down to berthing as fast as possible and throw on my new uniform and start to feel good because of how fast it took me and start to leave my room when I notice that I never shaved the hair off my face which was now staring me down begging for a shave.
I couldn't just leave this poor hair on my face, especially since I was about to take a watch where I was going to see everybody for the next 5 hours, and that's when I turned back to my rack to grab my stuff for a dry shave like I normally do.
Ahhh finally have a fresh shave and I got 10 mins before I am supposed to be on watch so I still got a lil bit of time to eat so I head back to the mess line to get some ono kine grinds and eat my sloppy joe at a slightly faster chewing velocity then normal and upon completion get topside to take the watch. Now watch is boring and nothing really happened so I will skip the details and take yall to 1700 the time I finally got off watch.
I was starving and it was hot wings, pizza and ice cream night so I was pretty stoked and could hardly wait to sit down and eat this delicious food that had been prepared for us.
Now apparently we didn't do a good enough of job with the fresh water wash down earlier that day so we were going to muster back on the messdecks at 1730 to try and talk about what needed to happen in order for us to be a squared away duty section. My body had other plans and their was a Head that was calling my name so I started to stroll back to berthing when I got stopped right where my ladderwell was... Sure enough in the last 30 mins one of the fan coiling units started to leak and now their was a big puddle of water going all the way across the P-way which I now got tasked to help clean, woopee! So me and a GM2 put our heads and our swabs together and we got almost all the water off the deck just in time for our 1730 muster(and yes I left 5 mins before that in order to relieve built up fluids that were dying to get out of my system).
So the day just keeps on getting better and better and we decided to do the fresh water wash down after colors at around 1930 when it is dark so we have a less chance of being seen since we aren't really supposed to be doing a washdown like this in port. After the awesome news about our failed attempt of a fresh water wash down and how we would be trying our luck again with some fire hoses to get more pressure to get the salt off I finally had time to take a little break.
Now it's my time and I thought about sleeping but I had a few people I wanted to talk to so let the texting commence! I do this for about an hour conversating with 3 or 4 people over text messaging and it's finally time for my next part of the day, "Lights" at the sound of colors. As this being the first time I got the chance to turn on the lights from the Pilot house aka Bridge I didn't really know which lights to hit but QM1 filled me in on them "Lets see hmm, 3 there... 4 over there, o ya and you can't forget about this one up here too!" Sweet sounds like fun and can't wait to hit all the lights!
5 min warning goes down and this is when I start to really concentrate and stop texting people so I won't be distracted for my time to shine with the lights that will light up the sky and tell all the airplanes where we are so they won't hit us. It was quite exciting and nerve wrecking, especially since I was all alone and this was my first time, but I overcame and I showed those lights who was the boss right when colors went down.
I started with the 3 and hit the top 2 first then moved to the lower one, then I bent over backwards with a *swoosh* (sound added for emphasis) to the 4 which I hit all at the same time and then I couldn't forget about that last random light that was nowhere near any of the other lights, and now I successfully completed my evolution immaculately.
Not even 10 seconds later "Muster duty section 1 of 6 on the quarterdeck with the section leader", wow this day really does keep moving doesn't it. Good times is all I have to say and now we start the spraying of water all over the ship in the dark like we had done earlier except this time we were using the fire hoses :)
Okay so now we are done for the second time at 2030 and I'm exauhsted and can't wait to get to my rack and get some sleep before I gotta be up for lights again at 550 in the mornin. So I get all nice and cozy and plug in my phone to charge and pass out after setting the alarm.
2 and a half hours later someone rings the doorbell to our berthing 4 house and doesn't get an answer so he lets himself in and then he finds my room and knocks on my door(rack 21) and says "Hey bro they need you up stairs by the fan coiling unit", "Okay fine I'll be up there in a min" I mumble back as I start to crawl out of my rack which is a foot off the ground.
I slowly put my uniform back on and then my boots and start to head back up stairs to meet our Warrant officer and a DC2. I look over at warrant and he starts talking to me "Hey are you DCPO qualed?" I reply no, then he asks me "Have you ever worked on one of these before?" and again my response is no, then he asks "Who is your DCPO?" and I tell him Will. Then he starts asking me what he looks like and what is his birthday and if he is married and if he has any kids and he asked me weird questions like if Will owns a fairy or a unicorn.
Well I guess I just woke up and I might have just been hearing things but apparently over night I had gotten DC qualified which I have been trying to do for the past 5 weeks and then somehow mysteriously I was DCPO qualed as well, I must have pulled the Matrix card where I just strapped a cord to the back of my neck and uploaded everything I need to know in a matter of seconds.
After I tell Will this amazing story about the fan coiling unit I head back down there to mop up the mess again, by myself this time, using a retarded mop bucket that only had 3 wheels. Then I grab a trash can like they told me to and put it next to the leaking air conditioner and I think to myself "hmmm I should really make a post right now?" and here I am at 1 in the morning with about 4 hours to go before I have to be up again explaining how awesome life is onboard the boat and how even a noob gets called out to do something he has no idea or comprehension of what needs to happen.
I guess I need to start hiding in the shadows because they have already noticed that I'm trying to learn everything and am active almost anywhere I can be... Now I'm hungry and I'm headed back to bed and tomorrow I will post up on facebook about this post and maybe put some spaces in here to make it easier to read or something. O and again welcome to my world ^-^
*Finished lights and did a read over and fixed a few things and now it's time to put it up on tha facebook, o ya then I get to go to another muster and hopefully we will be off by 8:30 *crossing my fingers* and hope you enjoyed this.
As we roll through the gate to get on base it's 8:15 and I know I can get ready and be up there at the right time no prob, so with 10 mins to spare I throw on a clean uniform, put on my boots, I grab me a belt, and then start heading up to the flight deck where I know everybody else is already waiting. I stand in front of my chiefs and a couple officers after about 2 or 3 hours of sleep and listen to how awesome our day is going to be... starting off with a fresh water wash down right after muster.
I was so excited and you could see the enthusiasm of all the others just by looking at their faces and we all thought it was pretty cool to be doing something that should have been done before we pulled into port but because of a heavy schedule weren't able to accomplish. So I follow my buddy Will, who is also an FC(CIWS type) and we start with the CIWS mounts. After about an hour or 2 of the duty section spraying down the entire ship and sweeping all the water build up over the sides we were finally done and could continue on with whatever else was planned for the day.
This lead me to the filter cleaning shop in order to take care of some DCPO maintenance that I was going to help Will with, and only after completing the necessary checks up forward and one aft I thought maybe I would chill out for a little bit before early chow for watch reliefs since someone wanted to switch my 17-22 with his 12-17 so he could participate in the ships softball game.
It's 11:05 and as I'm walking by the messdecks I run into the person who I am taking over for and I make sure the game plan is still in effect, he gives me batterys release and I know I have to eat now or never since I was relieving the internal rover(who was playing too) at 12:30 instead of the normal 12:45 in order for him to get ready and be at the softball game. They tell me I can eat right now even though the line isn't open but as tempting and as hungry as I was I needed to change into my Utilities for my upcoming watch in 20 mins.
So I hurry down to berthing as fast as possible and throw on my new uniform and start to feel good because of how fast it took me and start to leave my room when I notice that I never shaved the hair off my face which was now staring me down begging for a shave.
I couldn't just leave this poor hair on my face, especially since I was about to take a watch where I was going to see everybody for the next 5 hours, and that's when I turned back to my rack to grab my stuff for a dry shave like I normally do.
Ahhh finally have a fresh shave and I got 10 mins before I am supposed to be on watch so I still got a lil bit of time to eat so I head back to the mess line to get some ono kine grinds and eat my sloppy joe at a slightly faster chewing velocity then normal and upon completion get topside to take the watch. Now watch is boring and nothing really happened so I will skip the details and take yall to 1700 the time I finally got off watch.
I was starving and it was hot wings, pizza and ice cream night so I was pretty stoked and could hardly wait to sit down and eat this delicious food that had been prepared for us.
Now apparently we didn't do a good enough of job with the fresh water wash down earlier that day so we were going to muster back on the messdecks at 1730 to try and talk about what needed to happen in order for us to be a squared away duty section. My body had other plans and their was a Head that was calling my name so I started to stroll back to berthing when I got stopped right where my ladderwell was... Sure enough in the last 30 mins one of the fan coiling units started to leak and now their was a big puddle of water going all the way across the P-way which I now got tasked to help clean, woopee! So me and a GM2 put our heads and our swabs together and we got almost all the water off the deck just in time for our 1730 muster(and yes I left 5 mins before that in order to relieve built up fluids that were dying to get out of my system).
So the day just keeps on getting better and better and we decided to do the fresh water wash down after colors at around 1930 when it is dark so we have a less chance of being seen since we aren't really supposed to be doing a washdown like this in port. After the awesome news about our failed attempt of a fresh water wash down and how we would be trying our luck again with some fire hoses to get more pressure to get the salt off I finally had time to take a little break.
Now it's my time and I thought about sleeping but I had a few people I wanted to talk to so let the texting commence! I do this for about an hour conversating with 3 or 4 people over text messaging and it's finally time for my next part of the day, "Lights" at the sound of colors. As this being the first time I got the chance to turn on the lights from the Pilot house aka Bridge I didn't really know which lights to hit but QM1 filled me in on them "Lets see hmm, 3 there... 4 over there, o ya and you can't forget about this one up here too!" Sweet sounds like fun and can't wait to hit all the lights!
5 min warning goes down and this is when I start to really concentrate and stop texting people so I won't be distracted for my time to shine with the lights that will light up the sky and tell all the airplanes where we are so they won't hit us. It was quite exciting and nerve wrecking, especially since I was all alone and this was my first time, but I overcame and I showed those lights who was the boss right when colors went down.
I started with the 3 and hit the top 2 first then moved to the lower one, then I bent over backwards with a *swoosh* (sound added for emphasis) to the 4 which I hit all at the same time and then I couldn't forget about that last random light that was nowhere near any of the other lights, and now I successfully completed my evolution immaculately.
Not even 10 seconds later "Muster duty section 1 of 6 on the quarterdeck with the section leader", wow this day really does keep moving doesn't it. Good times is all I have to say and now we start the spraying of water all over the ship in the dark like we had done earlier except this time we were using the fire hoses :)
Okay so now we are done for the second time at 2030 and I'm exauhsted and can't wait to get to my rack and get some sleep before I gotta be up for lights again at 550 in the mornin. So I get all nice and cozy and plug in my phone to charge and pass out after setting the alarm.
2 and a half hours later someone rings the doorbell to our berthing 4 house and doesn't get an answer so he lets himself in and then he finds my room and knocks on my door(rack 21) and says "Hey bro they need you up stairs by the fan coiling unit", "Okay fine I'll be up there in a min" I mumble back as I start to crawl out of my rack which is a foot off the ground.
I slowly put my uniform back on and then my boots and start to head back up stairs to meet our Warrant officer and a DC2. I look over at warrant and he starts talking to me "Hey are you DCPO qualed?" I reply no, then he asks me "Have you ever worked on one of these before?" and again my response is no, then he asks "Who is your DCPO?" and I tell him Will. Then he starts asking me what he looks like and what is his birthday and if he is married and if he has any kids and he asked me weird questions like if Will owns a fairy or a unicorn.
Well I guess I just woke up and I might have just been hearing things but apparently over night I had gotten DC qualified which I have been trying to do for the past 5 weeks and then somehow mysteriously I was DCPO qualed as well, I must have pulled the Matrix card where I just strapped a cord to the back of my neck and uploaded everything I need to know in a matter of seconds.
After I tell Will this amazing story about the fan coiling unit I head back down there to mop up the mess again, by myself this time, using a retarded mop bucket that only had 3 wheels. Then I grab a trash can like they told me to and put it next to the leaking air conditioner and I think to myself "hmmm I should really make a post right now?" and here I am at 1 in the morning with about 4 hours to go before I have to be up again explaining how awesome life is onboard the boat and how even a noob gets called out to do something he has no idea or comprehension of what needs to happen.
I guess I need to start hiding in the shadows because they have already noticed that I'm trying to learn everything and am active almost anywhere I can be... Now I'm hungry and I'm headed back to bed and tomorrow I will post up on facebook about this post and maybe put some spaces in here to make it easier to read or something. O and again welcome to my world ^-^
*Finished lights and did a read over and fixed a few things and now it's time to put it up on tha facebook, o ya then I get to go to another muster and hopefully we will be off by 8:30 *crossing my fingers* and hope you enjoyed this.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Too Much...
Way to many things to write down since the last time I posted but I will try my best to explain what's been going on and running through my head. It's funny how things work out and it still amazes me everyday with all the randomness running amuck. I feel like I've been chewed up, spit out, and trampled upon and then I also feel lucky to be alive and greatful for what God has given me so far. I can't imagine what I would do with out my Lord and saviour but the Navy is reallly testing my limits and I see myself slipping more and more each day into the wrong direction that God couldn't have planned out for my life. I'm not as happy as I once was, and in all honesty it's all my own fault, I shouldn't have ever been subdued and consumed by the world I now live in. All my life I have been given training so to say and I've endured quite a few things and I would never take back any life experiences that I have had to go through because even the bad ones I learned my lesson, sometimes taking more then one time. But even with all the training and all the studying and steadfastness in prayer and whatnot I feel like I have failed the test that was placed in front of me, on more then one occasion. Fitting in will never make me happy even though at the time and the moment I seem to be as happy as can be, but I will never truly be happy until I am portraying myself. I see lost and hurting sheep every place I look and I haven't quite figured out how to ail their pains, I guess I can't help anybody till I help myself. I've learned that over the past few months that in order to care for others you need to care about yourself first, otherwise you won't be able to truly give back to those whom you love. I've always been taught the contrary, to love others more then yourself, maybe I just interpreted it the wrong way I dunno. 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' That means in order to love your neighbor you need to love yourself first. I have always been the kind of guy that puts everyone elses needs in front of my own and it hasn't been healthy for me the last 6 or 7 years, letting people push me around and taking advantage of me for far to long. I can't do this anymore, I need to put my foot down somewhere and I think that I have done a lot more the last couple of weeks. I'm not saying I won't love and try to take care of other people but right now I need to worry about myself and my future and whatever the Lord has in store for me.
Now comes the problem....... What do I do!!! Their are so many things running through my head that have been running through my head for the past 10 years, should I become try and pursue my first love of planes and try to fly them? Should I devote all my time and effort into making a warp machine (call me crazy but it will work and will be here one day if the world last that long), or should I become a childrens pastor of some sort. I thought I would do something with airplanes and so here I am in the Navy doing absolutely nothing with airplanes. Then I thought hey maybe I can start brainstorming on ways to create his super warp machine, but that would probably take way to much time and effort and even if my kids were interested in my shenanigans their kids kids probably wouldn't see the day. Then I thought hey Childrens pastor stuff, and so I helped Buddy out all the time with Metro, but the time their was cut short after I joined the Navy. Waiting has been quite a bore, and I know I shouldn't worry about it because all things will happen in due time that are supposed to come to pass. I'm sure I will know one day, whenever I get a clear sign, but in the meantime I'm going to be pursuing becoming a pilot as I have always dreamed of, and eventually I hope to have my wings.
Then their is the love of my life, my bright and shining star, the apple of my eye, the woman I plan to spend the rest of my life with. I have been eternally grateful for such an amazing woman as her and I'm blessed to have been so lucky in finding her. Even though the terms for meeting were fatal for both parties, and it deeply saddens me that that is the way we had to meet but maybe God had a bigger plan then what I or her wanted or thought we needed. 25 months later after finally being able to hold her hand and call her my girl I have fallen madly in love with her, which I partly blame on her for making me love her so much lol. The short weeks and few nights that we were able to spend together reassured me of my love for her and the smile on her face and happiness that radiates from her skin pleases me like no other. I was always skeptical and cautious when it came to younger women and was kind of nervous when this one took a liking to me. I found out later that it was more then just a liking, somebody was deeply in love with me(so she says) and she pursued me and didn't give up no matter how far I went or how busy I seem to have got. For that I am ever so grateful and my frown has been turned upside down from the inside out, from head to toe I felt and still feel like a new person. She has given me hope for a future without dispair and I know her intentions are all for the good, I never thought I would find that in a woman inside and out(not bashing on any women reading this). She has been a little shy and withholding of information but I'm slowly bringing her out of that lol, and one day I hope that we can just throw out everything on the table no matter how horrible it may seem at the time. Babe if you are reading this I want and like the honesty that you portrayed tonight and the past few weeks and I will give back the same measure of honesty that you rightfully deserve. I don't try to keep anything from you and I'm sorry if I ever do and know that I didn't do it intetionally if you find out something from some of my friends or whatever.
Now comes the next thing and I warned you that their was to much to read, it's just all flowing out of me like a river and I can't contain it right now, I've been typing for over an hour and it feels like I have just started typing. This next part changes nothing about the way I see my girl, nor does it get in the way of my love for her in any way shape or form. It's not her fault and I know that, and I could never wish death upon another person but I am highly upset with the girl who was High as a kite, drunk, and under the age of 21 when she flew into the vehicle that held my dream girl, her brother and her mother. I know I wasn't their but I know time and space must have stood still for this girls father that got the message from the paramedics that his wife had been killed and his son and his daughter had been put into the hospital, while the intoxicated and doped out girl walked away unharmed. I can only imagine the pain my girl felt as she came out of her coma 2 weeks later to find out her mother had been killed and that she would have been permanately scarred for the rest of her life in physically and mentally. Now comes the time in her life to make huge decisions, like what should I do with my future, what kind of woman do I want to become? A visit to the recruiter gets her the news that she will never serve in any branch of service for the entirety of her life due to all the medical problems that she never had before the accident. Also being homeschooled all her life until the day her mother died caused her to never be able to obtain her highschool diploma which people her age are shaking in their boots from the excitement of finally holding that simple piece of paper that says, "Hey you made it through 12 years of education, now what are you going to do?". A GED will have to suffice for her if she can ever find the time to work on it while working 1 or 2 jobs in order to make her car payments and to be able to pay for insurance and also to be able to live like a normal girl her age. The one thing that sucks the most about all of this is having no mother to coach you along or to be their for you when the times are hard, when you just want to punch somebody in the face because you are so angry at the world. Seeing all your friends mothers and fathers at your graduation doesn't really help much, but to let the world know, you are not alone. It really sucks being on a ship and seeing packages and letters come in for people here that are from their mothers telling them how proud they are of you and making those special cookies that she use to always make for you when you were a kid. Or coming home on leave and getting that special hug that only she knows how to give, or giving her lap for you to sit on when you are feeling down and alone or worthless. I still remember the last Christmas with my mother back in 2004 very well, I remember vividly the christmas tree in the corner of the living room, the green jacket that she was wearing, the happyness of the morning when gift wrapping was flying in every direction, the cloth christmas tree that hung on the closet door that we had filled with presents to the King of Kings in remembrance of all that Jesus had done for us. I also quite distinctly remeber the next day following our Christmas celebration, the last day my mother was out of her bed walking around like nothing was bothering her and giving us the hope that she may pull trough the cancer and beat it.... but even with hope and tons of prayer it wasn't our call to make and the Lord called her home. Febuary 5th after a Friday night showing of Left Behind, a theatrical play that depicted the end times, we were all at Denny's celebrating a great show night. Somewhere around 1 and 2 in the morning I had this weird feeling deep down in my soul and I didn't know what it was so I just blew it off. Sure enough, whatever that was that I felt was someone leaving this world that I had deeply cared about.
Bitterness consumed me and took over my life, I carried a smile but inside I was dying more and more each and every day. I now tried everything I could to take my mind off the pain I was feeling deep inside, well everything except for physical pain to myself, and nothing really seemed to work. I was taking AP English Lit, Pre Cal, AP Government/Economics, AP World history, AP Physics, Theatre(at school and at Cornerstone), and I was also taking Aviation Maintenance college courses at TCC Northwest. You try doing all that homework and remember all those lines, songs, and blocking and everything else at the same time, it's really not that easy lol but it kept my mind occupied. I also forgot to mention that I had 6 brothers and 2 sisters that were determined to keep me from my work making as much noise as possible and bothering me at any chance they could. And then their was chores, Metro on Saturday if we weren't practicing for a play, and then their was all the odd jobs at Connies house that kept me busy as well, and boy did I have fun power washing, scraping, sanding, priming, painting the entirety of the outside of the house in order to put a fresh new coat of paint on her house(which by the way is imaculate) lol :)
So it's already been 2 hours since I have started writing and the main reason for writing this entire blog has not been put into, but the foreshadowing was there about 2 paragraphs up. If you were paying attention and actually remember what I wrote before I metioned it not being her fault. That is referring to the text message I got on Sunday that said something in the lines of "Hey babe I just found out that I can't carry a baby, my doctor just told me", as I was eating my dessert and I had just ordered my food hanging out at the Shack with some friends. A friend looks over not trying to be nosy and catches what the text says and she says she is sorry but I'm totally ignoring her right now as tears start to form in my eyes. I jump from my seat and take off nearly tackling a kid on my way out the restraunt door and walk straight to my Sububan and punch it 2 times as hard as I can, unlock it and throw my phone in their not knowing what to say back, not wanting to say anything back. Then I slam the door shut and just start walking as far away as I can get from the world, which isn't far in Hawaii lol and I circled the entire mall complex and found a bus stop with nobody around except for the cars passing by and I sat down and threw my hands to my eyes trying to control the sobbing that I was now taking part in. I tried to regain my composure and about 30 mins later I went back to my car to grab my phone to make sure their wasn't anything else and saw a message from my friend trying too make sure everything was okay, and I couldn't worry them so I took my phone with me slammed the door again and punched that side of the car as well and then I went back into the restraunt where my burger was now sitting directly in front of me. I couldn't eat, I lost my appetite, so therefore I pushed my plate away from me into the center of the table. At this point my friend asks me if I want to leave this place and go stay at another friends house who opened their door to a hurting shipmate in need.(yes I said it! ^-^) Which I will be eternally grateful for and then me and my girl commenced talking back and forth over text message and I let her know it wasn't her fault whatsoever, but she kept coming back with stuff like I'm worthless and all that stuff that I just wasnt buying. She is way to special for me to just pawn her off for something as rediculous as that which she had no way of preventing, it's just a part of life that really sucks but life just keeps on rolling.
Speaking of rolling Monday rolled by in a flash and I was so busy I didn't even really think about what had been said the night prior, not that I'm a horrible person and didn't care, it just really didn't cross my mind at the time. Then came Tuesday and it hit me, it hit me hard... Harder then I had ever been hit before in my life and that's when I started sending out text messages to friends back home in Texas. Some thought nothing of my first text which I sent to like 10 people but their were a few that caught on and could tell something was wrong. I told all I knew to these few people and they reassured me that everything was going to be okay and that I still had my options, whether it be adopting or finding someone to be a surrogate mother for us. That day I had 3 of my really good friends offer to do that for me and I really appreciate it, it means the world to me. Tuesday was a horrible day, quite possibly the worst Tuesday that I have ever lived. I thank all for your support and helping me get through extremely long day I had to endure that day up until 3 am the next morning and crashed at 3:30 and then got woke up 2 and a half hours later for duty section turnover, which I was late for lol, and had to work the entire day. Yes this week has been the worst one FC3 Schutz has had to experience and my hatred for the Navy and Hawaii have gone up I would say maybe 9 or 10 points, and on that note I will close saying thanks for reading all this crazyness and I wish better days to all those out there.
Now comes the problem....... What do I do!!! Their are so many things running through my head that have been running through my head for the past 10 years, should I become try and pursue my first love of planes and try to fly them? Should I devote all my time and effort into making a warp machine (call me crazy but it will work and will be here one day if the world last that long), or should I become a childrens pastor of some sort. I thought I would do something with airplanes and so here I am in the Navy doing absolutely nothing with airplanes. Then I thought hey maybe I can start brainstorming on ways to create his super warp machine, but that would probably take way to much time and effort and even if my kids were interested in my shenanigans their kids kids probably wouldn't see the day. Then I thought hey Childrens pastor stuff, and so I helped Buddy out all the time with Metro, but the time their was cut short after I joined the Navy. Waiting has been quite a bore, and I know I shouldn't worry about it because all things will happen in due time that are supposed to come to pass. I'm sure I will know one day, whenever I get a clear sign, but in the meantime I'm going to be pursuing becoming a pilot as I have always dreamed of, and eventually I hope to have my wings.
Then their is the love of my life, my bright and shining star, the apple of my eye, the woman I plan to spend the rest of my life with. I have been eternally grateful for such an amazing woman as her and I'm blessed to have been so lucky in finding her. Even though the terms for meeting were fatal for both parties, and it deeply saddens me that that is the way we had to meet but maybe God had a bigger plan then what I or her wanted or thought we needed. 25 months later after finally being able to hold her hand and call her my girl I have fallen madly in love with her, which I partly blame on her for making me love her so much lol. The short weeks and few nights that we were able to spend together reassured me of my love for her and the smile on her face and happiness that radiates from her skin pleases me like no other. I was always skeptical and cautious when it came to younger women and was kind of nervous when this one took a liking to me. I found out later that it was more then just a liking, somebody was deeply in love with me(so she says) and she pursued me and didn't give up no matter how far I went or how busy I seem to have got. For that I am ever so grateful and my frown has been turned upside down from the inside out, from head to toe I felt and still feel like a new person. She has given me hope for a future without dispair and I know her intentions are all for the good, I never thought I would find that in a woman inside and out(not bashing on any women reading this). She has been a little shy and withholding of information but I'm slowly bringing her out of that lol, and one day I hope that we can just throw out everything on the table no matter how horrible it may seem at the time. Babe if you are reading this I want and like the honesty that you portrayed tonight and the past few weeks and I will give back the same measure of honesty that you rightfully deserve. I don't try to keep anything from you and I'm sorry if I ever do and know that I didn't do it intetionally if you find out something from some of my friends or whatever.
Now comes the next thing and I warned you that their was to much to read, it's just all flowing out of me like a river and I can't contain it right now, I've been typing for over an hour and it feels like I have just started typing. This next part changes nothing about the way I see my girl, nor does it get in the way of my love for her in any way shape or form. It's not her fault and I know that, and I could never wish death upon another person but I am highly upset with the girl who was High as a kite, drunk, and under the age of 21 when she flew into the vehicle that held my dream girl, her brother and her mother. I know I wasn't their but I know time and space must have stood still for this girls father that got the message from the paramedics that his wife had been killed and his son and his daughter had been put into the hospital, while the intoxicated and doped out girl walked away unharmed. I can only imagine the pain my girl felt as she came out of her coma 2 weeks later to find out her mother had been killed and that she would have been permanately scarred for the rest of her life in physically and mentally. Now comes the time in her life to make huge decisions, like what should I do with my future, what kind of woman do I want to become? A visit to the recruiter gets her the news that she will never serve in any branch of service for the entirety of her life due to all the medical problems that she never had before the accident. Also being homeschooled all her life until the day her mother died caused her to never be able to obtain her highschool diploma which people her age are shaking in their boots from the excitement of finally holding that simple piece of paper that says, "Hey you made it through 12 years of education, now what are you going to do?". A GED will have to suffice for her if she can ever find the time to work on it while working 1 or 2 jobs in order to make her car payments and to be able to pay for insurance and also to be able to live like a normal girl her age. The one thing that sucks the most about all of this is having no mother to coach you along or to be their for you when the times are hard, when you just want to punch somebody in the face because you are so angry at the world. Seeing all your friends mothers and fathers at your graduation doesn't really help much, but to let the world know, you are not alone. It really sucks being on a ship and seeing packages and letters come in for people here that are from their mothers telling them how proud they are of you and making those special cookies that she use to always make for you when you were a kid. Or coming home on leave and getting that special hug that only she knows how to give, or giving her lap for you to sit on when you are feeling down and alone or worthless. I still remember the last Christmas with my mother back in 2004 very well, I remember vividly the christmas tree in the corner of the living room, the green jacket that she was wearing, the happyness of the morning when gift wrapping was flying in every direction, the cloth christmas tree that hung on the closet door that we had filled with presents to the King of Kings in remembrance of all that Jesus had done for us. I also quite distinctly remeber the next day following our Christmas celebration, the last day my mother was out of her bed walking around like nothing was bothering her and giving us the hope that she may pull trough the cancer and beat it.... but even with hope and tons of prayer it wasn't our call to make and the Lord called her home. Febuary 5th after a Friday night showing of Left Behind, a theatrical play that depicted the end times, we were all at Denny's celebrating a great show night. Somewhere around 1 and 2 in the morning I had this weird feeling deep down in my soul and I didn't know what it was so I just blew it off. Sure enough, whatever that was that I felt was someone leaving this world that I had deeply cared about.
Bitterness consumed me and took over my life, I carried a smile but inside I was dying more and more each and every day. I now tried everything I could to take my mind off the pain I was feeling deep inside, well everything except for physical pain to myself, and nothing really seemed to work. I was taking AP English Lit, Pre Cal, AP Government/Economics, AP World history, AP Physics, Theatre(at school and at Cornerstone), and I was also taking Aviation Maintenance college courses at TCC Northwest. You try doing all that homework and remember all those lines, songs, and blocking and everything else at the same time, it's really not that easy lol but it kept my mind occupied. I also forgot to mention that I had 6 brothers and 2 sisters that were determined to keep me from my work making as much noise as possible and bothering me at any chance they could. And then their was chores, Metro on Saturday if we weren't practicing for a play, and then their was all the odd jobs at Connies house that kept me busy as well, and boy did I have fun power washing, scraping, sanding, priming, painting the entirety of the outside of the house in order to put a fresh new coat of paint on her house(which by the way is imaculate) lol :)
So it's already been 2 hours since I have started writing and the main reason for writing this entire blog has not been put into, but the foreshadowing was there about 2 paragraphs up. If you were paying attention and actually remember what I wrote before I metioned it not being her fault. That is referring to the text message I got on Sunday that said something in the lines of "Hey babe I just found out that I can't carry a baby, my doctor just told me", as I was eating my dessert and I had just ordered my food hanging out at the Shack with some friends. A friend looks over not trying to be nosy and catches what the text says and she says she is sorry but I'm totally ignoring her right now as tears start to form in my eyes. I jump from my seat and take off nearly tackling a kid on my way out the restraunt door and walk straight to my Sububan and punch it 2 times as hard as I can, unlock it and throw my phone in their not knowing what to say back, not wanting to say anything back. Then I slam the door shut and just start walking as far away as I can get from the world, which isn't far in Hawaii lol and I circled the entire mall complex and found a bus stop with nobody around except for the cars passing by and I sat down and threw my hands to my eyes trying to control the sobbing that I was now taking part in. I tried to regain my composure and about 30 mins later I went back to my car to grab my phone to make sure their wasn't anything else and saw a message from my friend trying too make sure everything was okay, and I couldn't worry them so I took my phone with me slammed the door again and punched that side of the car as well and then I went back into the restraunt where my burger was now sitting directly in front of me. I couldn't eat, I lost my appetite, so therefore I pushed my plate away from me into the center of the table. At this point my friend asks me if I want to leave this place and go stay at another friends house who opened their door to a hurting shipmate in need.(yes I said it! ^-^) Which I will be eternally grateful for and then me and my girl commenced talking back and forth over text message and I let her know it wasn't her fault whatsoever, but she kept coming back with stuff like I'm worthless and all that stuff that I just wasnt buying. She is way to special for me to just pawn her off for something as rediculous as that which she had no way of preventing, it's just a part of life that really sucks but life just keeps on rolling.
Speaking of rolling Monday rolled by in a flash and I was so busy I didn't even really think about what had been said the night prior, not that I'm a horrible person and didn't care, it just really didn't cross my mind at the time. Then came Tuesday and it hit me, it hit me hard... Harder then I had ever been hit before in my life and that's when I started sending out text messages to friends back home in Texas. Some thought nothing of my first text which I sent to like 10 people but their were a few that caught on and could tell something was wrong. I told all I knew to these few people and they reassured me that everything was going to be okay and that I still had my options, whether it be adopting or finding someone to be a surrogate mother for us. That day I had 3 of my really good friends offer to do that for me and I really appreciate it, it means the world to me. Tuesday was a horrible day, quite possibly the worst Tuesday that I have ever lived. I thank all for your support and helping me get through extremely long day I had to endure that day up until 3 am the next morning and crashed at 3:30 and then got woke up 2 and a half hours later for duty section turnover, which I was late for lol, and had to work the entire day. Yes this week has been the worst one FC3 Schutz has had to experience and my hatred for the Navy and Hawaii have gone up I would say maybe 9 or 10 points, and on that note I will close saying thanks for reading all this crazyness and I wish better days to all those out there.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Great day today ^_^
My ship got back the 23rd and got all unpacked and that was cool and got me a tour of the ship like 3000 times lol. It seems pretty cool so far but I'm sure it will suck in the next few weeks to come, hopefully I will be able to come home for the 4th of July but not sure about that since their can only be 1 person gone from my section at a time so that kinda sucks but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Tommorow I will get all checked in and everything and get to meet the master chief formally this time and got to answer all his questions and everything, I hope I get everything right.
Yesterday I tried to take a bus up to North Shore but I guess I didn't get off at the right place and the guy was like ya you can take this bus back or whatever but I was like naaa I'll just keep goin this way so I can see this side of the island too. So I kept ridin the bus all the way up to the tip of northwest side of the island and it was very scenic and I guess that's where all the locals go cuz I was the only person around there that looked like me lol. I ran into this one Samoan guy on the bus and was talkin to him and later I heard him say to the bus driver that he hadn't seen a gringo out that way in a while ^-^ , that was hilarious when I heard that. So the bus eventually started going back the way it came and the bus driver told me to take a couple diff buses to get where I wanted to go and I tried that but was confused so I just rode the C bus all the way to Waikiki beach. I got off at Waikiki and heard some music and was drawn to it, and later I found out it was a Sheryl Crow concert that was supposed to play later that night, but right then she was just practicin so I decided to come back later. It was also the annual Spam Jam day and they had all sorts of food made out of spam and people in spam hats and shirts and all sorts of crazy spam craziness lol. I was there for a little bit till it was time to head back to the concert and when I got over there there was a big ol line and I found out tickets were like 41 bucks and I was like are you crazy I can hear her right here just as good, so that's just what I did :) It started to get cold so I walked around to differt places to warm up and I met this one old guy that had these 2 green Parrots from the Amazon and he said he lived on a boat and he makes these cool lookin hats and sells him so he can go get some more liquor or somethin lol. I talked to him for a little bit and then Sherl sang her song "I'm gonna soak up the sun" and I left after that. I ran into the parrot guy again as I was headed back to Waikiki beach and he didn't have the parrots and he said they were his buddy's that lived on his boat, and thought I would buy one of them cool hats so that's just what I did. Then I saw the parrot guy down the road and people were takin pictures with the birds holdin them in their hands and I was like man I wish I had my camera and my phone was dead :(
As I was walkin down the street I heard a song that this one guy sang on the morning news one day and had to make sure it wasn't the same person and sure enough it was the same guy, chillen playin the ukalale and singin right in front of the surfer dude statue. So I stayed their for like an hour listenin to him and bought one of his cds and then I figured it was time to catch my bus back since it was like 10 pm already and the buses stop runnin at like 1 am. I walked for like an hour all the way to Alo Moana which was a long walk and finally found the bus I needed to take back to Pearl Harbor and got home after midnight.
So back to today :)..... I went to church today at the YMCA and their was a new guy with us and it turns out he is from my ship and further investigation from questioning him lol I found out that he had been to GTMO Cuba as well, so that was cool actually meetin somebody that has been down there and knows what I'm talkin about. So after that we met up with Johnny and his girl and another Japanese chick that was chillen with them cuz they picked her up from the airport and are showin her around Hawaii. Today we went around the entire island and I got to see the rest of this place that I hadn't seen before and saw tons of cool beaches and some humongous whales off in the distance blowin water out of their blownose and surfacing on the water showin off their colors and stuff. I'm glad I have a christian group of people to hang out with again and it was amazing and I'm looking forward to next few years here.
Yesterday I tried to take a bus up to North Shore but I guess I didn't get off at the right place and the guy was like ya you can take this bus back or whatever but I was like naaa I'll just keep goin this way so I can see this side of the island too. So I kept ridin the bus all the way up to the tip of northwest side of the island and it was very scenic and I guess that's where all the locals go cuz I was the only person around there that looked like me lol. I ran into this one Samoan guy on the bus and was talkin to him and later I heard him say to the bus driver that he hadn't seen a gringo out that way in a while ^-^ , that was hilarious when I heard that. So the bus eventually started going back the way it came and the bus driver told me to take a couple diff buses to get where I wanted to go and I tried that but was confused so I just rode the C bus all the way to Waikiki beach. I got off at Waikiki and heard some music and was drawn to it, and later I found out it was a Sheryl Crow concert that was supposed to play later that night, but right then she was just practicin so I decided to come back later. It was also the annual Spam Jam day and they had all sorts of food made out of spam and people in spam hats and shirts and all sorts of crazy spam craziness lol. I was there for a little bit till it was time to head back to the concert and when I got over there there was a big ol line and I found out tickets were like 41 bucks and I was like are you crazy I can hear her right here just as good, so that's just what I did :) It started to get cold so I walked around to differt places to warm up and I met this one old guy that had these 2 green Parrots from the Amazon and he said he lived on a boat and he makes these cool lookin hats and sells him so he can go get some more liquor or somethin lol. I talked to him for a little bit and then Sherl sang her song "I'm gonna soak up the sun" and I left after that. I ran into the parrot guy again as I was headed back to Waikiki beach and he didn't have the parrots and he said they were his buddy's that lived on his boat, and thought I would buy one of them cool hats so that's just what I did. Then I saw the parrot guy down the road and people were takin pictures with the birds holdin them in their hands and I was like man I wish I had my camera and my phone was dead :(
As I was walkin down the street I heard a song that this one guy sang on the morning news one day and had to make sure it wasn't the same person and sure enough it was the same guy, chillen playin the ukalale and singin right in front of the surfer dude statue. So I stayed their for like an hour listenin to him and bought one of his cds and then I figured it was time to catch my bus back since it was like 10 pm already and the buses stop runnin at like 1 am. I walked for like an hour all the way to Alo Moana which was a long walk and finally found the bus I needed to take back to Pearl Harbor and got home after midnight.
So back to today :)..... I went to church today at the YMCA and their was a new guy with us and it turns out he is from my ship and further investigation from questioning him lol I found out that he had been to GTMO Cuba as well, so that was cool actually meetin somebody that has been down there and knows what I'm talkin about. So after that we met up with Johnny and his girl and another Japanese chick that was chillen with them cuz they picked her up from the airport and are showin her around Hawaii. Today we went around the entire island and I got to see the rest of this place that I hadn't seen before and saw tons of cool beaches and some humongous whales off in the distance blowin water out of their blownose and surfacing on the water showin off their colors and stuff. I'm glad I have a christian group of people to hang out with again and it was amazing and I'm looking forward to next few years here.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Today marks 2 years!
Today is mine and Andrea's 2 year mark of being together, it has been really wonderful to have been able to share what was going on with her and the few days that we actually got to spend together. Next year I plan on having a wedding but I won't know for sure when it's going down until after I get to the ship.
I have been pretty sick today and yesterday was the start of it but I just ignored it and figured it was because I haven't been getting to much sleep or eating right but I guess it's just a normal cold or somethin lol. I don't feel like doing anything today except for maybe going to go get some medicine and talking to Andy. I also checked on my car today and it's out in the middle of the ocean somewhere and hope the pirates don't get to it or I'm gonna have to go kick some pirate booty.
Well I'm talkin to my girl on chatzy right now and that was pretty much my boring day, filing paperwork and being sick. I forgot to mention that somebody ran Andy off the road yesterday and she hit the curb and got a scare but she is okay n as far as I know the car is ok. She also got her roses today so I'm glad they actually made it on time and everything. :)
I have been pretty sick today and yesterday was the start of it but I just ignored it and figured it was because I haven't been getting to much sleep or eating right but I guess it's just a normal cold or somethin lol. I don't feel like doing anything today except for maybe going to go get some medicine and talking to Andy. I also checked on my car today and it's out in the middle of the ocean somewhere and hope the pirates don't get to it or I'm gonna have to go kick some pirate booty.
Well I'm talkin to my girl on chatzy right now and that was pretty much my boring day, filing paperwork and being sick. I forgot to mention that somebody ran Andy off the road yesterday and she hit the curb and got a scare but she is okay n as far as I know the car is ok. She also got her roses today so I'm glad they actually made it on time and everything. :)
Monday, April 20, 2009
It's been a while...
It's late at night, or early in the morning depending what part of the world you are in lol, and I thought I would give blogging a whirl once again.
I am from Texas originally but for some strange reason I joined the Navy and now I am enjoying the sun in Hawaii ^_^ A buddy of mine Dustin also joined the Navy around the same time and he is now in Virginia with his wife Julie and his daughter Abi, but this is not Dustin's blog so let me get back to me.
I have 6 brothers and 2 sisters and I guess you can say that life has been really interesting and crazy at times but who's life isn't? With a family like mine I have learned a lot about sharing, taking what is offered to me, and not really wanting or needing to much. Also they have taught me patience because they were so annoying sometimes but I love them all and really do miss them, I can't lie and say I don't. I don't know how my mom and my dad raised the lot of us but they did a really good job with whatever resources they had and I'm grateful for a set of parents that I was given. My mom passed away of cancer but my dad is still taking care of the family and is awesome even though he is still a workaholic lol.
My church family back home is also a remarkable set of people as well and I miss the lot of them as well and they have always been there for me through the good times as well as the bad and even the times when I didn't feel like telling anybody what was going on. I had my best times with the friends from City Church aka Grace Works aka cornerstone, Metro with Buddy, and the people from Cornerstone Theatre. They were always trying to get me involved in whatever was going on and made me feel that I was wanted around at all times, and I liked that about them. Whenever I needed to get away from my family and feel what I thought was normal for a change they always came through, whether I was helping out at Metro, spending the night at a friends house, or doing a play.
I have been away for more then 2 and a half years and have seen tons of things with the help of the U.S. Navy and I have enjoyed it for the most part but sometimes I just wish I could be amongst old friends and family once again. The other side of me is like no you left to see the world so that's what you will do! lol but I haven't forgot about anybody and I'm sorry if it seems that I have been ignoring you or whatever, I have never meant to do that and I'm sorry if it seems that I have come off that way. I know a lot of people are busy with their everyday life routines and college and work or whatever and it doesn't bother me too much that my phone hardly ever rings or that I don't get a message or comment on the internet. I have a girl that keeps me happy and that talks to me all the time and as long as I have her I'm sure I will stay happy : )
This girl was brought into my life after my mom died of cancer and her mom died in a car accident. I never thought I would fall in love with this girl and never saw a relationship coming into existance between us but I am glad that she stuck around and chased after me, even after I joined the military. She means the world to me and if all goes well a marriage should be coming about in the near future. I have always wanted to share my life with someone be apart of their world as well as mine and she is a dream come true and my only wish that we could spend time with each other every day, which I know one day we it will come to pass.
This post is getting long and time is getting short before I have to be up for work so I will end it here for now, but now that I have a blog I will keep on posting when I get the chance and whoever cares to read be my guest.
Goodnight to all,
Jonathan Schutz
I am from Texas originally but for some strange reason I joined the Navy and now I am enjoying the sun in Hawaii ^_^ A buddy of mine Dustin also joined the Navy around the same time and he is now in Virginia with his wife Julie and his daughter Abi, but this is not Dustin's blog so let me get back to me.
I have 6 brothers and 2 sisters and I guess you can say that life has been really interesting and crazy at times but who's life isn't? With a family like mine I have learned a lot about sharing, taking what is offered to me, and not really wanting or needing to much. Also they have taught me patience because they were so annoying sometimes but I love them all and really do miss them, I can't lie and say I don't. I don't know how my mom and my dad raised the lot of us but they did a really good job with whatever resources they had and I'm grateful for a set of parents that I was given. My mom passed away of cancer but my dad is still taking care of the family and is awesome even though he is still a workaholic lol.
My church family back home is also a remarkable set of people as well and I miss the lot of them as well and they have always been there for me through the good times as well as the bad and even the times when I didn't feel like telling anybody what was going on. I had my best times with the friends from City Church aka Grace Works aka cornerstone, Metro with Buddy, and the people from Cornerstone Theatre. They were always trying to get me involved in whatever was going on and made me feel that I was wanted around at all times, and I liked that about them. Whenever I needed to get away from my family and feel what I thought was normal for a change they always came through, whether I was helping out at Metro, spending the night at a friends house, or doing a play.
I have been away for more then 2 and a half years and have seen tons of things with the help of the U.S. Navy and I have enjoyed it for the most part but sometimes I just wish I could be amongst old friends and family once again. The other side of me is like no you left to see the world so that's what you will do! lol but I haven't forgot about anybody and I'm sorry if it seems that I have been ignoring you or whatever, I have never meant to do that and I'm sorry if it seems that I have come off that way. I know a lot of people are busy with their everyday life routines and college and work or whatever and it doesn't bother me too much that my phone hardly ever rings or that I don't get a message or comment on the internet. I have a girl that keeps me happy and that talks to me all the time and as long as I have her I'm sure I will stay happy : )
This girl was brought into my life after my mom died of cancer and her mom died in a car accident. I never thought I would fall in love with this girl and never saw a relationship coming into existance between us but I am glad that she stuck around and chased after me, even after I joined the military. She means the world to me and if all goes well a marriage should be coming about in the near future. I have always wanted to share my life with someone be apart of their world as well as mine and she is a dream come true and my only wish that we could spend time with each other every day, which I know one day we it will come to pass.
This post is getting long and time is getting short before I have to be up for work so I will end it here for now, but now that I have a blog I will keep on posting when I get the chance and whoever cares to read be my guest.
Goodnight to all,
Jonathan Schutz
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