3 things that I love <3

1.First and foremost my best friend in life, someone who always listens to me and never tries to shut me up. I have never known a friend such as him and I love hanging out with him and he never steers me wrong. I can't imagine life without him, he is a miracle in my life and such a blessing and I'm glad he never let me go even though I gave him many reasons to.

I stabbed him in the back, talked bad about him, acted like I didn't know him when I was around certain friends, I didn't invite him to all the parties and all the crazy things I did. I built up a wall for a couple years and wouldn't let him in and ignored his every call, but he never gave up and kept calling and always let me know that he cared about me even though I had totally rejected him.

I don't know many friends who would stick it out like he did but amazingly he finally got through and now I know to never do that to him again because he doesn't deserve that and as much love and respect as he has shown me over the years I should at least try to show the same back to him.

I'm glad he never gave up on me and I was at the point of no return and wanted to end it all and was planning to end this cruel world on July 17th 2009, I was dead inside and didn't feel like I had anything to live for and thought everything I was doing on the ship was pointless and that nobody cared about me and that they didn't really need me, I was just an extra body that they could use and abuse and I was sick of it.

Back home I was always doing things to help others like volunteering to help out Buddy for the kids, or working with Connie to fix up her house since she needed an extra hand around the house, or when the theatre needed extra bodies. I was extremely busy taking the hardest classes possible at high school, at lunch I would take a bus to college, and after college I would head straight to the theatre for rehearsal, blocking, ect. and then I would go home and start my homework and I would crash around 2 or 3 am if I didn't have to much homework, if I had a lot then I pulled an all nighter and usually slept in theatre class at school lol. Even in Cuba I felt needed and that they wanted me around and didn't just use me all the time, they actually traded people out and kept if fair and we were treated like human beings and if you messed up they treated you like an adult.
You would still get in trouble but after your punishment they would never speak of it again and after one bad eval you could get back in the game and go back up to the top. Now I am on a ship, which I am told is the real NAVY, and I hate it. I love Hawaii but being on this ship has really drug me down to the deepest darkest place of my life and I wasn't talking to my friend at all now. Before I would at least take 5 mins to say what's up but a couple months ago I wouldn't even say hi if I saw him or if he called me, total ignorance. I thought he had left me to die out here and that he didn't care about what I was going through so I just lived life on the edge and did all the stupid things that the people on this boat were doing like going to the clubs and dancing with women on the dance floor that were complete strangers and in such a lustful way I look back now and see how gross it was.

Then I turned 21... The things I did in Cuba came back to life in a major way and now I was finally legal to drink and not worry about anybody catching me and so I drank it up, every day after work I would go anywhere and would order a new drink every night. I wanted to try everything and was well on my way and then there was the weekends and so on and so forth. My friend didn't like the new me and was mad at me but he still loved me and tried to talk to me but I wasn't having it anymore and then it finally happened... I broke my promise to my friend that I had made to him 2 years before, the same promise I made to my parents, and most importantly to myself.

The promise I had was to wait for marriage until I had sex, but 21 years and 6 days later I got really drunk and then went out downtown and got even more drunk and the next morning I woke up naked next to another naked woman that I knew but didn't really know, that was the first night we had ever hung out. We were both to drunk to know exactly what happened but I had a bloody nose when I woke up and I felt ashamed of myself because I knew I had finally gone and broke my promise. I felt worthless and thought for sure that my bestest friend in the whole wide world would now hate me and probably would never talk to me ever again.

After that day everything I did didn't matter anymore, I was speeding down roads and highways, allowed things to happen that I would have never let happen before then and I felt like dying and was contemplating how I would do it. I had the suicide planned out and I'm not one to joke when it comes to stuff like that and I always told myself I would never tell anybody and just do it but I kind of hinted it to people and a few caught on and dug deeper till I spat it out. One of my best friends Dustin(who is also in the Navy) told me I had to go to talk to a chaplain and as much as I didn't want to do that and just wanted to end my life instead, I promised him I would at least go see the chap that day. I left work and walked all the way to the chapel and told them I wanted to talk to a chaplain, any chaplain, didn't matter to me who it was I just wanted the first one who wanted to talk.

So I filled out their stupid little piece of paper and sat down and waited, I didn't wait long though because after 10 mins I stood up and was about to leave when the lady said it wouldn't take much longer and I was like ok well I'll be back after I eat cuz I didn't eat yet. I didn't want to go back but something said that I should, so I did and after talking to the chaplain for an hour and a half I felt a lot better. He told me about things I could do in my spare time that didn't involve drinking, stuff I love doing like volunteering and also how they need a bass player at the chapel and all these cool events that made sure I wouldn't have to be stuck doing all the stupid things I was doing before.

After all this happened I knew a change was needed and that I couldn't live 2 lives anymore because I wasn't truly happy and never would have been. I did change for the better and now I am the happiest I have ever been in my life, ship still sucks but it's ok because my best friend is helping me get through it and I only have 3 years left in the service so it's all good.

Sometimes I look at the whole picture and wonder how it can be done and it's overwhelming but when I take it day by day and piece by piece it looks a lot more hopeful and that's what I have realized and I'm trying to take it one day at a time.
So the first thing I love is my best friend and and now I will move on to another THING I love.



2.She came into my life January of 2009 and hasn't let me down yet, I love her to death, she takes care of me, gives me comfort when I need it most and gives me a roof to sleep under when I need it the most (because I hate sleeping on the ship).
I took her all around Fort Worth Texas to show her off to all my friends and was proud to call her my girl and wanted to spoil her with gifts but didn't have the time or money to do it then but I had plans for her.
After vacation I had to go all the way to Virginia so I took my new baby gurl with me because we were inseperable and I couldn't imagine being without her for more then a day let alone a couple hours.
When it comes to food it seems like she keeps eating a hole into my wallet, she is a big girl but it's okay because I will always take care of her the best I can as long as she is alive. People think I'm crazy because I talk about her all the time and take pictures of her a lot.

I spent almost $800 bucks on her in Virginia and I pretty much spoiled her and spent more time with her then even with my best friend Dustin. I took her all over Virginia so we could see everything together and then I wanted to go to D.C. so I took her there too. I think she liked it up there :).

I would have taken her to Missouri after my granpa Galloway had a stroke but it was snowing a lot and didn't want to get stranded anywhere with her so I left her in Virginia, hopefully one of these days my relatives will be able to meet her but until then they can just look at all the pictures along with everybody else lol.

I finally finished school in Virginia and it was time for me to head to Hawaii, but I didn't want to leave her in VA so I arranged for her to follow me and had to say my goodbyes on the 31st of March :( and it hurt but I knew I would see her again once I got situated in Hawaii so I wasn't worried about it, I just missed her a lot. She came on a boat so it took a little while for her to get here but she finally arrived on the 4th of May and I went and picked her up and now I spend every single day I don't have duty with her and I watch movies with her and let her listen to all my music and I read books to her and she really makes me smile. ^-^

The time is coming for me to leave her again and it really hurts to let her go for 7 or 8 months and I'm really going to miss her but hopefully my friend WILL take care of her like I do and treat her with as much respect as I do and feed her like I did and spend as much time with her as I do on a daily basis. Her name is Bertha and that is the Second thing I love.



3.Now the third thing I love is way more important to me then the second thing I love and I have been in love with this girl for more then 6 years...

I never thought I stood a chance of ever having her and as much as I wanted to make a move to be with her I was hesitant and scared because I didn't want to lose her because she was a great friend and was such an awesome girl. I was very careful, too careful... I wish I would have just jumped in there and told her
"Ok gurl I love you to death, do you want to keep dating all these retards or do you want to be with me? Someone that will show you the world and who will take care of you for the rest of your life and will never harm you the way the others that you speak of have. I want to make you my queen and cross the world and dive to the depths of the sea to bring you back the best jewels, gold, pearls and all the best perfume that a man could find for his lover. I want to carry you through the mountains to a secret waterfall that nobody knows about and walk through fields of wildflowers with you. I want to take your hand and run with you in whatever direction you feel like going or you can just follow me to the ends of the earth. Since the day I layed eyes on you I felt something move deep in my soul and didn't know what it was because I was only 15 and didn't understand love or any of the feelings I felt then. I looked into your eyes and saw the sweetest angel I had ever seen, I saw through all the hurt and pain and saw deep into your soul and saw how amazing you were and how I wanted a girl like that. I heard your voice and it was like the birds of the air singing into my ears, unlike any other creature I had ever heard before the sound of your voice brought a great deep joy to my heart. You held out your hand to take mine and told me your name, the first girl to ever do that for me, and as our hands touched I felt the skin and how silky smooth it was. It was like nothing I have ever felt before... I don't know how to describe it in words because it was that amazing."



I thought for sure you were taken and that I never stood a chance to ever be with you, especially since you were a year older then me and much wiser and smarter then me and I looked up to you and aspired to be like you. Then I met your mom.... ^-^

She was and still is to this day one of the most amazing mothers ever and I could hardly believe what you said about your pops and how anybody could ever treat you, your sister, or your mother that way. It sickened me and I knew you were away from him now but it seemed like you only dated guys that were jerks and I wanted to put a end to that but I didn't know how to explain the way I felt for you because I had never felt that way in my life.

So I started dating your closest friends just so all us could come together and in hopes that I would see you more then I did at the time. I use to love coming to your school and watching you play volleyball, basketball, and meeting your and your mom out at the field to watch some baseball. :)
I never thought I would be so lucky to ever call you my girl and little did I know you felt the same way.

I gave you a letter after you told me you were married and thought I lost and would never have another chance and couldn't believe I let you slip out of my fingers so easily and couldn't bare to even look at you anymore because I knew I couldn't have you now.
So I did the stupidest thing ever and joined the Navy... I was talking to the Air Force because I wanted to work on planes but they wanted me to wait a year before I could go to bootcamp. The Navy next door said they could get me out the door the next day if I really wanted to go that quick, plus I was told they have more airplanes and I thought it would be easier to work on planes if their was more there. 3 years later I'm in a job I don't even like at all and I don't feel like I am really going anywhere, I mean ya I am taking college classes, but I'm doing it slow(too slow) If I didn't have somewhere to be(like the Navy) I could be going to college full time for something I love to do.

It's okay though because I have loved everywhere I have been so far and I love here too to tell the truth but a few key people and a couple of the rules are making me hate this boat in a way that I have never hated anything else. I sleep in my car on my days off because that's how much I hate being on this boat. The first week I got to the boat they told me after 90 days I could get a barracks room, but I've been on this boat for more then 4 months and still no room for me. It's okay though, I guess I can waste $50 bucks a month to store what little I do have because I don't feel like leaving everything in my car/home.

I hate to say names but one of my LPO's is driving me nuts and she really confuses me because she asks 1 thing of me and when I try to get it done she comes to me and tells me to do something totally different, then I don't know what to do because I'm not 2 people and can't be both places at once lol. O and then their was the Indoc that I had been waiting and asking about for over 2 and a half months which I need to get a barracks room so I can have a bed to sleep in like the rest of the people here on this island.

Sure enough when the time came for Basic Damage Control Indoc I was told I had to go to a completely different school in order to fill a seat because the original person wasn't going to be able to make it now. I told my LPO that I want to go to Indoc, that I need it in order to do what you ask of me, but she told me no and that Gauge Cal school was more important and that they would have another indoc the following week.

So I went through the entire school and it was probably the easiest class I have ever had, I could have slept through it and still passed with flying colors and on the last day of class after I aced the test the instructor told us something I will never forget. This is what he said
"We do this class every week and we always have empty seats available, tell your chain of command that we need people to sit in the seats and to send them over here.", then he went on about the other courses and classes they offered.

I get back Monday after this week long course and my LPO asks me how my Basic DC is going, and I was thinking are you serious! I missed an entire week of class that I needed to take in order to move on to bigger and better things and now you are asking me how it is going!
Then she tells me I need to get DC qualed this week because my buddy was going on vacation to get remarried and I was suppose to get DCPO qualed too(which you are suppose to do after DC lol). So after about an hour of going back and forth and getting the run around I finally find the guy I'm looking for who is suppose to work with me on it and he tells me that we will work on it on Thursday(our duty day), so I said okay and told our LPO the situation and then I got back to work with whatever I was doin.

So now it's thursday and I got watch from 8:30 to 12, I finish my watch and each lunch, I do some maintenance for the next couple hours and then I look for the person who is suppose to help me out with all this crap and he was nowhere to be found so after drills it's like 6 pm or so and I have the rev watch which is 3 to 8:30, I figured there was no way I could do all dc in one day since it's a week long course and I couldn't find this guy so I decided to go to sleep at some point and said forget it.

Monday rolls around n Will leaves and my LPO asks me if I have done the NKO course for DCPO and I was like no? I didn't even know there was a course to take? She tells me I need to do it, so I start using the computer in the office and about an hour into it she comes in to the office to see how it's coming along and then tells me that I can't hog up the computer all day because other people need to use it. So I found a stopping point and moved to another computer and I was kinda pissed that she would ask me to do something and when I do it she tells me to do it somewhere else.

So I don't do anything but work on this course all day and I get about half of it done, which is ok because I can finish it the next day, so I continued to do it the next day and had it almost all done when I get a phone call to go help with the OSS (the thing we use to see bad guys lol) and so I go up there on top of the bridge and watch them take everything apart and put it back together, I didn't even touch anything, I just stood there watching because apparently they don't trust us inside that piece of equipment because we can cause more damage then good.

I could be finishing my course but I'm wasting my time watching them work, then right when I get back to the office my chief tells me that first thing in the morning I was taking over for someone in FSA for the next 3 weeks because he was going to a school because one of the girls couldn't go anymore because of personal issues.
I guess that means the last 2 days of studying and learning stuff was for nothing because by the time I get off FSA Will will be back and I won't have to worry about it anymore.

So I didn't finish it and now I'm not working on any quals until my basic DC is done because that's just what I feel like doing because she has royally screwed me, but we leave for deployment in 10 days so it really doesn't matter $50x8=$400, that's all I will really lose. Also Verizon is retarded and last month my bill was $350 for whatever reason and this month it was $400, granted I have 4 lines but it should never be 1/4 of my monthly paycheck, I think that is absolutely retarded and I'm going to drop them as soon as I get back and get ATNT and get me a cool IPHONE or whatever is out that's cool in 8 months. I also got a $6011.88 dollar car loan to pay and I think my credit card is down to $4200 (it was maxed out a couple days ago and I had -$100 in my checking until I got paid on the 1st of September lol).

Now the big issue is my boots and they are making a big deal about it. How come I bust my butt for 8 days in a row, coming in on days I shouldn't even be working to help the section since they didn't give me time to do the things I need to do and when I show up for watch with paint on my boots I get yelled at? I'm doing the CO a favor, something he asked me to do and specially picked me to do along with the other 10 people, or so I'm told, and it's apparently like the top priority.

Senior chief told me I should buy new boots!?!? ok with what money lol, and why should I buy new boots? I've had these boots for the last 3 years! I already have another pair of boots somewhere in the world but not sure where... Why would I waste my money on something I don't need? When did the Navy start caring more about what I look like then the way I work? Why am I treated like garbage, just tossed around from dumpster to dumpster, I mean really can I stay in 1 dumpster and get to know the trash that's in there for a while? I feel like my LPO is my pimp and she is whoring me out, that's honestly how I feel right now and it's really retarded. I do everything with the best attitude and hardly complain about anything and then I get yelled at because my boots aren't shined because I don't have enough time in the day to shine them? Plus why should I shine them? Their is no point because today and tomorrow and the next day and the next month I will still be painting, my boots are gonna get paint on them and they are gonna get messed up. If they care more about my appearance, if that is the most important thing to this ship then OK I will stop working, I will tell my DIVO and my LCPO and LPO no I'm not going to go over here and do this for these people, I'm going to do my job and sit in front of a console for 12 hours and learn how to use it in and out.

I have been quiet for over 4 months and I have been observing everything that goes on onboard this ship and I'm about to write a letter to my senator or just run up to the CO's cabin and tell him why his boat is so messed up and why people are getting pregnant all the time and why people are in serious states of depression here onboard the USS HOPPER just to get kicked off the boat.

I heard the other day that the CO doesn't have a wife or kids and that would explain why he thinks this ship is more important then family, medical problems, and personal issues. I hate this ship and everything about it and don't be fooled about how this is the best ship in the navy, it may very well be because we got a good set of hard working people and we pulled together to be the best but don't think for a minute that our personal lifes aren't suffering and that they don't matter to us.

I joined to serve... I didn't need a job, I didn't need the NAVY and I don't need it now, if anything the Navy has slowed me down from trying to obtain what I have always wanted since the day I could talk. I want to be around airplanes, if I can fly them great, if not then I want to fix them, and if I can't do that I will be a flight attendant for heavens sake! I don't care about the Navy anymore and I've made up my mind not to stay in unless I get picked up for officer to fly airplanes and that is the only way I will stay in. I thought about cross rating to an AM or an AD but if this is what the real navy is like I don't want any part in it, the Navy has changed way to much and it's not what it use to be.

It use to mean something when you said you were in the US Navy but now I'm ashamed to even let people know that I'm serving in,no offense to females, one of the girliest branches ever where making your bed is the most important thing in the world. I can't live in a world like this any longer but I can put up with all the Shenanigans of this boat for the next 3 years because God says I can!
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."(Phillipians 4:13)

It may not be easy but I know I can do it and I'm going to try and have the best attitude about it but they are really pushing my buttons and I don't know how much more I can take.
I could write a book about my life but I've already been up for almost 3 days now so I'm gonna cut this short and post it on facebook, and I'll post this on Myspace if I ever get off work.

Also you should guess what the things I love are since I didn't really specify who or what they were that I loved and you should email guesses to schutzj@ddg70.navy.mil

That will be the only way to contact me once we leave, well unless you want to write a letter... I guess I'll put the address again for those who may have missed the first 10 times I put it up on facebook and myspace lol ^_^.

FC3 Schutz, Jonathan
USS HOPPER DDG 70
FPO AP 96667

If you write me I'll write you back and I'll be more apt to buy you something when we go to other countries, but if nobody writes me then I might just forget about you when I get to GUAM, THAILAND, AUSTRALIA, and whatever else countries we end up in and I might forget to get you a souvenir or somethin.
I've been calling, texting, emailing, writing letters as conversation starters for to long now and I'm gonna be extremely busy so don't expect me to send you an email or a letter about how everything is if you don't care to even keep in contact with me. My real friends know who they are and they will read this whole thing from top to bottom and they will send me an email or a letter eventually :).

If I can find time to keep up with everybody then I'm sure if someone wanted to keep up with me then they will make their best effort. For all those that don't care I will be back one day, maybe not next year, maybe not the year after but I will be back one day, you can count on that, and if everybody still has the same numbers I will call everyone in my phone and try and catch up as much as I can. I think it's funny that I sleep in my car every night that I'm not at work just so I won't miss a phone call or text and hardly anybody ever calls or texts me.
I guess it's true what they say, "Out of sight, out of mind" I will pray for those that have that attitude and I will always pray for everybody, like on wednesday I spoke every name I could think of, friend and family and I prayed a blessing on every single one of you.


I've gotta go eat breakfast but yall take care and God bless and this will be my last post for a while so I expect to see some emails or letters in the mail from at least 1 maybe 2 people that care. Take it easy everybody and stay safe and see yall when I get back. Love each and every one of yall and I hope to see each and every one of you again!

Okay, I'm back on duty and God is speaking to me! It's so awesome to hear his voice and to know finally know for sure what he has been speaking to me for the past few years. I have no doubt in my mind now that the Lord wants me to fly planes and if he doesn't then I must be really confused. I finally found the place here in Hawaii that teaches you how to fly Cessna's and it's right down the road and in total it will only cost me $10K, $200 for each hour, times that by 50 hours and there you go lol. I can hardly wait to get back from deployment and then start doing something that I have been wanting to do since I was 8 years old, God spoke to me then and I knew that was one of the things he revealed to me, and then there was Australia... I don't know what the Australia part was about but I have always had a love for that country and have always wanted to go there and maybe that's part of God's plan as well.

So I go home back to Texas on leave and the 2nd Sunday I'm there I decide to go to my dads church and I sit next to him for the 1st service, Joanna sat next to me for like 10 mins but didn't want to stay long lol. After the service was over I knew that what God had told me about my finances were true and that I didn't need to worry about what other people think and just trust in the Lord, my dad almost convinced me that I was wasting my money, but it's not really my money anymore so glory be to God because he is in control now. I think it's funny how he works in our lives and when you give him your all he starts moving in ways that you can't understand and you can't question but just watch what miraculous things he is doing. He has taken care of me even though I am now totally broke, he has provided for me even though I had nothing. I like it better when God is in control of my life instead of me trying to run it and to trying to make everything perfect. I speak the truth now and I'm not standing on the sidelines anymore and I know it's going to be hard once we deploy but I know now without a doubt in my mind that Jesus Christ will get me through anything and everything. I may lose friends in the meantime and make a lot of people angry, but it doesn't really matter anymore what people think of me because I am finally truly happy again and that is because I have the love of Jesus running through me and his blood has washed away my sins and given me a new heart. He has opened my eyes to see and he is speaking to me in almost everything that he does, everytime I look at a plant or an animal I see him. I hear the cry of a baby, wind blowing, birds of the air singing, crickets worshipin, the crashing of the thunder after the lightning strikes through the air and it pleases me.

I'm reading the bible and things that I have read before a million times are now making sense and I realize now how foolish I was to not take each and every word of the bible as truth and to live by it, but now that I have a hunger for the Lord I know it is what I will strive for every day.

I'm struggling with leadership on my boat right now but I hope that they see that I'm not just your average Joe that is trying to get out of everything because I'm not lazy and I take pride in my work. I always try my hardest with whatever task I am given and I strive for excellence, I may not be perfect or look as nice as others but I will never give less then 100% of effort. It's hard when I feel that everybody is against me, but I now know that their are people who see that I do try my best and they are blessings in my life because this would be a lot harder if they didn't talk to me about it and counsel me not to get mad and do something stupid, even though I may very well want to lol.

Well I guess I'll post this on Facebook today and tomorrow if I get to the lib center I'll post it up on myspace too. Take care everyone and God bless you all!